2014

It's already the end of the year? Seriously? As of now, it is 23 :35 in my place.
A lot should be happening in 2014, but I think none of it really leave a deep impression. Because I only could remember 3 major event : Skripsi, Graduation, and get a job. None of it feels like live changing, too.

I... go through a lot that I get but doesn't deserve, both because I actually not qualified, and some because I over qualified. Here is some of the list :

1. I don't deserve to have a very understanding, caring, patience professor for my skripsi. I am not serious in doing it and nearly blow it all
2. I don't deserve to get A- in that. I hardly try to make it perfect. I only do that to move through. I am ashamed of that project and it will forever be done.
And I know, I could actually get an A, if only I do my best. I know it. But I am not doing my best at all. It near my worst
3. I don't deserve to graduate. I... Not that it's my fault or anything, but I knew for graduating I sacrificed something that some of my friends sacrificed graduation for. I am not ready for graduation. Please. Spare me.
4. I don't deserve to get that cum laude certificate. I am not doing my best to get it, compared to some people. Yes, it's my target, but halfway through, I am ready to throw it away and going back to my status as a lazy, useless maniac who no one will expect anything of. Not the go-getter girl I tried so hard to be.
5. I don't deserve the high regard some of my university friend seems to held of me. I kind of run away of them and the responsibility that come with organizations that feels more and more like a burden
6. I don't deserve the near-home, quite high-paying, related to my major in uni, comfortable job I get RIGHT after graduation. No, even before graduation. I didn't ask for it. Never picture it.
7. I don't deserve to get the nice, kind, supporting supervisor and co-workers that are giving me second chances every time I make a basic mess in my work
8. I don't deserve to get that high a pay, compared to the 10year-senior-but-lower-in-education coworker that get nearly half I get considering the mess I make around the rules.

There, all the things I don't deserve. I am very disappointed in this year, mainly to my own self. People from the outside will see it as a very successful year to me, perhaps. No, it's not. While situations and my past actions carry me on, I am doing very bad this year. It's not on negative notes, though, it's a reminder and on a thankful note that I still could done it this beautifully. Thanks, Lord. Now I am ready for 2015, and this time, I won't disappoint myself

posted from Bloggeroid

Tea Party with Madhatter! in Lady Alice Tea room

Tea Party with Madhatter!

Hi! Sorry for the lack of updates... I mean...

I decide that I will start to post review the restaurant that I have visited now. I will give the address, so you could know how to go there. Mainly in Jakarta, but could also be in another city. Now I really am a food blogger, eh? I originally doesn't want to be one.

The first I will post is Lady Alice Tea Room, the one in Benton Junction Karawaci

Tea Party with Mad hatter!

I really have a great time here. My advice is : Eat on the second floor. The interior, furniture and scenery is way better than the ground floor.  And order their special-sounds-a-bit-weird tea.

Honestly, I don't really remember how the food taste like. I don't have a sweet tooth and never really keen on sandwich. What I remember is the overall experience. I love the decorations and interior and the furniture, as well as the teacups, pots, dishes, etc. it's all feels so vintage and classic, and like stepping into wonderland, and having the tea party with Madhater.

Me and my friends ordered the tea party packages as well as rose hibiscus tea. While I don't really remember how the cakes, scones, and sandwich taste (not bad, but not really good, maybe we choose the wrong variety of cakes), I remember the teas.


The earl grey is so - so, they don't really left a strong impression, but the Rose Hibiscus tea - it's magnificent. I recommend ordering their special tea, Rose Hibiscus Vanilla Tea, and Fruit De La Passion Tea. One of it is too sweet to my liking, and Rose Hibiscus tea is a bit troublesome to drink because of the rose petals - we only have two, but both are delicious.

The chimney cake are delicious and unique, but I don't really feel that it is extraordinary, perhaps because we don't order any dipping.

They let us sit and chat as long as we like, and it's long. We even have a photo session! With the cake as well. The server is not overly nice, but they are nice enough to let us play as we want it. Really feels like stepping into a dream world, wonderland, or go back in time or to Britain where the tea time party is a reality.

All the other aspect lose to the atmosphere you will get if you let yourself absorb it :)

It's located in  Benton Junction, Jl. Boulevard Palem Raya, Cibodas, Tangerang

The Price range is quite high, so bring a group. The menu could be seen on Zomato here

https://www.zomato.com/jakarta/lady-alice-tea-room-cibodas/menu#tabtop

Have a try!

[10:03AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Dan mungkin pas gw ngerasa lemah gini adalah saat yang tepat buat 'negor' gw. Gw ketegor tadi pas chapel
[10:16AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Ttg "kenapa kita sangat sulit rendah hati dan nyerahin hidup ke Tuhan"
[10:17AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Selama ini gw selalu mikir, ga adil dong kalo misalkan untuk "ngikutin mau Tuhan" manusia harus merelakan semua cita2 dan apa yg udah dihasilkan dr kerja keras mereka?
[10:18AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Gw ga ngerti sama orang2 yg selama ini bisa cerita ttg betapa senangnya mereka dipanggil Tuhan dan meninggalkan bidangnya yang lama
[10:18AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Hei, I understand about being happy about The Call, but... Why, did you have no feeling about your field?
[10:18AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Kira2 gitulah
[10:20AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: I won't be able to be perfectly happy if one day God call me and tell me "Hey Yanni, come here, be a counsellor, I will make you the best that ever be and an inspiration for all people."
[10:22AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Yes I will be happy, I am happy I am chosen, I am happy that I am offered a very generous offer, but... But why? Did what I do not good enough? Did my dream have no meaning if it's not His even though it's perfectly good and honorable?
[10:54AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: One thing I forgot - and everybody so often forget - that "all that I am is from God". All of it. Our look, mind, creativity, conditions, opportunity, blessings, LUCK...
[10:58AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: We are lifted from the state of helplessness and are given all that by God. And when God wants us to do what He wants us to do when He give us all that, we refuse


Of course then it's His right to withdraw it all again
[11:01AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: We forget that without God, we are nothing - we are left with nothing.

Maybe we always thought, "I am not all that bad - at least my heart is pure" hey, that pureness come from God, too. God can harden a person's heart, remember?
[11:05AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: If I was not helped, I was just a big ego girl with quite sharp mind and an equally sharp mouth with no care of the world, only my affair. It really how bad it is. I won't have the thought of helping people in need, of taking care my surroundings, of showing some kindness, if not for God's help and progress. I might think that I have put a lot of effort on changing myself, but who am I if it's not God changing me?
[11:06AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Well that dawn on me now. God give a vulgar description about how we behave if we then use what he have given us to be used for other purposes : for wealth, for fame, for success, in Yehezkiel...
[11:10AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Yehezkiel 16:3-23, 28, 33 dan katakanlah: Beginilah firman Tuhan ALLAH kepada Yerusalem: Asalmu dan kelahiranmu ialah dari tanah Kanaan; ayahmu ialah orang Amori dan ibumu orang Heti.
Kelahiranmu begini: Waktu engkau dilahirkan, pusatmu tidak dipotong dan engkau tidak dibasuh dengan air supaya bersih; juga dengan garam pun engkau tidak digosok atau dibedungi dengan lampin.
Tidak seorang pun merasa sayang kepadamu sehingga diperbuatnya hal-hal itu kepadamu dari rasa belas kasihan; malahan engkau dibuang ke ladang, oleh karena orang pandang enteng kepadamu pada hari lahirmu.
Maka Aku lalu dari situ dan Kulihat engkau menendang-nendang dengan kakimu sambil berlumuran darah dan Aku berkata kepadamu dalam keadaan berlumuran darah itu: Engkau harus hidup
dan jadilah besar seperti tumbuh-tumbuhan di ladang! Engkau menjadi besar dan sudah cukup umur, bahkan sudah sampai pada masa mudamu. Maka buah dadamu sudah montok, rambutmu sudah tumbuh, tetapi engkau dalam keadaan telanjang bugil.
Maka Aku lalu dari situ dan Aku melihat engkau, sungguh, engkau sudah sampai pada masa cinta berahi. Aku menghamparkan kain-Ku kepadamu dan menutupi auratmu. Dengan sumpah Aku mengadakan perjanjian dengan engkau, demikianlah firman Tuhan ALLAH, dan dengan itu engkau Aku punya.
Aku membasuh engkau dengan air untuk membersihkan darahmu dari padamu dan Aku mengurapi engkau dengan minyak.
Aku mengenakan pakaian berwarna-warna kepadamu dan memberikan engkau sandal-sandal dari kulit lumba-lumba dan tutup kepala dari lenan halus dan selendang dari sutera.
Dan Aku menghiasi engkau dengan perhiasan-perhiasan dan mengenakan gelang pada tanganmu dan kalung pada lehermu.
Dan Aku mengenakan anting-anting pada hidungmu dan anting-anting pada telingamu dan mahkota kemuliaan di atas kepalamu.
Dengan demikian engkau menghias dirimu dengan emas dan perak, pakaianmu lenan halus dan sutera dan kain berwarna-warna; makananmu ialah tepung yang terbaik, madu dan minyak dan engkau menjadi sangat cantik, sehingga layak menjadi ratu.
Dan namamu termasyhur di antara bangsa-bangsa karena kecantikanmu, sebab sangat sempurna adanya, oleh karena semarak perhiasan-Ku yang Kuberikan kepadamu, demikianlah firman Tuhan ALLAH."
"Tetapi engkau mengandalkan kecantikanmu dan engkau seumpama bersundal dalam menganggarkan ketermasyhuranmu dan engkau menghamburkan persundalanmu kepada setiap orang yang lewat.
Engkau mengambil dari pakaian-pakaianmu untuk membuat bukit-bukit pengorbananmu berwarna-warni dan engkau bersundal di situ; seperti itu belum pernah terjadi dan tidak akan ada lagi.
Engkau mengambil juga perhiasan-perhiasanmu yang dibuat dari emas-Ku dan perak-Ku, yang Kuberikan kepadamu, dan engkau membuat bagimu patung-patung lelaki dan engkau bersundal dengan mereka.
Engkau mengambil dari pakaianmu yang berwarna-warni untuk menutupi mereka dan engkau mempersembahkan kepada mereka minyak-Ku dan ukupan-Ku.
Juga makanan-Ku yang Kuberikan kepadamu — tepung yang terbaik, minyak dan madu Kuberikan makananmu — engkau persembahkan kepada mereka menjadi persembahan yang harum, demikianlah firman Tuhan ALLAH.
Bahkan, engkau mengambil anak-anakmu lelaki dan perempuan yang engkau lahirkan bagi-Ku dan mempersembahkannya kepada mereka menjadi makanan mereka. Apakah persundalanmu ini masih perkara enteng
bahwa engkau menyembelih anak-anak-Ku dan menyerahkannya kepada mereka dengan mempersembahkannya sebagai korban dalam api?
Dalam segala perbuatan-perbuatanmu yang keji dan persundalanmu itu engkau tidak teringat lagi kepada masa mudamu, waktu engkau telanjang bugil sambil menendang-nendang dengan kakimu dalam lumuran darahmu.
Dan sesudah segala kejahatanmu itu — celaka, celakalah engkau! Demikianlah firman Tuhan ALLAH —
Engkau bersundal juga dengan orang Asyur, oleh karena engkau belum merasa puas; ya, engkau bersundal dengan mereka, tetapi masih belum merasa puas.
Kepada semua perempuan sundal orang memberi upah, tetapi engkau sebaliknya, engkau yang memberi hadiah umpan kepada semua yang mencintai engkau sebagai bujukan, supaya mereka dari sekitarmu datang kepadamu untuk bersund
[11:11AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: Bayi yang dibuang, dirawat sampai jadi cantik, dan memakai kecantikannya itu untuk bersundal. Dan bersundal ga bikin puas sampe dia bayar buat dapet sundal.
[11:11AM, 10/21/2014] Yanni Karina: So just record that in mind, my friend... Sorry for the long post

posted from Bloggeroid

Hell's kitchen manga

Hell's kitchen manga : a cooking version of Hikaru no go with Sebastian's fellow demon from hell in Sai's position, with the appearance of Jack from Pandora heart (which are also possessing someone's body), and mentoring method from hell like Hiruma, in a school with various food-related major like Silver spoon and competition like Shokugeki no Souma. That pretty much sums it up

The change in me

I changed in college. I know it, I feel it, and I am thankful of it. But I have been wondering about how much I have changed. I know the result, I know how it has make me the way I am now. I am less stubborn than before, and have a wider point of view now. I believe I have interact with more people in college than I ever had my entire life. And that's still tiny. Hehe. I am an introvert and shy person, after all.

But how I was processed to change, and just what causing it?

I have been wondering... and today I scrolled around the groups I am in in Facebook, searching for old photos to see the path I am walking. Then felt a wave of nostalgia 

*cue white handkerchief*

While I am screening and choosing the photos to show my journey to my current self, some of it are a very much remembered photos that I know will show my changes. But some others... I have never seen some of those photos, or never bothered to.

And from the photos, it's clear how much have changed I am, and the step by step process. In some time, it's express, while in other time, it takes so much time before I am affected

Let's start with the beginning :

                                                                                                                                                          

So curly. Much smile. Very cute.

This. Me sometime after admitted into uni

I am very influenced by the entrance ceremony that I promise myself that I would do my best here in this uni, that are said the best in my country. I had never really that motivated to do all I can before. Add it with my promise to myself that I will try to change myself in uni..especially in social life. I change my appereance (Curled my hair LOL) And well, you get a person who are willing to try anything. That's the start of the journey. The execution, though, is not as easy.

I joined organizations right off the bat. Two, to be exact. Theater and film cliques. I am involved in so many events people wouldn't believe that I am a shy, introvert, socially awkward girl, if they don't try to talk to me. It could be said that I enjoy the activities very much...

The event held by the film group....

...And me trying to put myself in the farthest corner

See how I failed?

.

.

.

HAHA.

I am horrified of people. I am STILL horrified of them even after I joined for 6 months. In fact, one of the reason I stayed is because I am horrified to the idea of talking to them to told them I want to leave. I'd always try to avoid them and run if I spotted one of my seniors.

No one know who I am!

Especially the theater members whose appearance is very scary. And they are very different set of
people from me. Confident, bubbly, love to show themselves to the point of narcististic, LOVE to hang out and socialize, attend many social events and in short, lead a social life very that I never even touched and never imagine it's exist outside the fiction.

But I still joined a theater competition which each new students in my faculty better participate (It's per major), and will help me big time in latter time. I am very awkward and shy around the people in my major, too, so I can't say it's a big progress now.

The gathering to welcome new members of theater group, Tesas, which I belong to even now

I could work with them, but not really anything else. I'd prefer to work silently than join them to enjoy ourself. I don't know what I am doing, and I'd avoid the crowd as much as possible. I tried to find another photo of me in this event where I am very involved, and all of it are a photo in the corner, trying to erase my presence. 

My treasured photo of Tesas with ME in it. Yes, among this narcissistic people who own tons of photos, I could only spot one or two photos with my face in it.

But really, I might not enjoyed the process, but I love what I have been through and what it brought me. It's long and hard, and clearly bringing me out of my comfort zone.

The past me will say "meh" of this kind of activity. 

Though I am not sure whether completely ignoring what I want for what I think I need is a good method of self-improvement, I am sure I would appreciate it more than doing only what I want and stuck at where I don't want to be.

While still not adjusted to socializing, the me I think everyone will despite is accepted.


And trusted.

The start of the commitment I could never back off

I grow to love uni life. Even when I still can't connect with the world, I want to try still. Who knows I am only couldn't connect with this different set of people? So I join one of the first wide-scale organisation in my university, the orientation to welcome new students.

The super serious me not noticing the camera

Well, I can connect more easily here, maybe because division is based on character as well. And there are wider range of people who I can interact with. Every one of them has a different views and opinions, and I have to face reality that... not only what  I do is important, because it will affect others.

I also join one committee of my major's event, Bookfest, and found the best senior I could connect to. She told me everyone in my major, not only my batch, has always been interested to me because of my clothing style. I don't know that. She is also the leader of my religious group senior in the campus, and invite me to help with the weekly service. I agree even though I don't really able to sing or play instrument. I am willing to help anything, trying to find my place.

And I found another organization, the religious group that I am fond of, but never really close because I can't find enough time @_@. I regularly become the Worship Leader there, thanks to theater practice I am able to, and that step by step built my confidence.

And... leaping through time, I am attending an international event. Hahah

It takes a long time before I am bold, confident, and brave enough to try something I always want to try : to connect with people outside my country. To experience the bigger world. The uni life had expose me to lives I never imagine I would touch and witness, and it push my curiosity to know other form of life more than ever

Yes my hair is back to straight

I tried once before, but I am too ambitious and haven't got enough preparation.

One year is needed to built my confidence and apply again. Luckily for me, the application is accepted in the first event I apply to. I am worried, because it's the first time I am travelling aboard alone, and it would require good spoken English, etc. I am worried I might come back the same girl who goes. I am affraid I can't connect and corner myself among the world displayed before me. But I am excited that I TELL EVERYONE WHAT HAPPENS IN MY LIFE! I rarely announced anything because maybe I think nothing interesting ever happens in my life (Which is not true.)

Peace!

Lucky me, that's not happening. There are only 3 people who got to go from my country, and so I can't corner myself. The event itself make activities that make it impossible to corner ourselves and be alone LOL. And while at the start of the event it still awkward, it soon melts off. 

Learn how to smile on photos, too 

Maybe because everyone is aware that we only have limited time, and with the fact that we are cramped with each other day and night, we open ourself quite fast. After all, we only have 2 weeks. Yikes! 

My favorite 3-person Indonesia representative shot. Miss this moment

. But during that 2 weeks, I learn a lot. A lot more compared than 2 years before it. I learn that I could be kind and get along just fine with people totally different from me. 

Sexy pose~

I learnt that when time is pressed, I could open up much faster, not the slow-to-know-me girl I always perceive myself to be.

First photo and tricked already LOL

That friendship could form much faster and last much longer, it's just with who you are bonding with.

Me sneaking to fit into the photo :P

 That if I want to be involved, it's okay, no one would object unless I am a disturbance

The closing ceremony...

And that if I can be a lot nicer, talkative, friendly, curious, and okay with close proximity with people I have only met and know for 2 weeks, why can't I for the people I have known longer? Not because their personality of course. Personality clashed everywhere.

Upon returning beck home, I am faced with the test to test my development... haha. To be the project officer of one of the national-scale performance of Tesas. With only 2 months left. HAHAHA. And, I also have to help my major with the all-new-student-theater competition 

I accept the challenge. I don't want to see this group go done a bad performance just because some misorganization. And you know what, the theater's advisor specifically chose me and one other member. He said that us, and only us could carry the mission. So we did

The poster of the event that will change my relationship with the theater member forever

The event are done from start until finished, but I don't know if it's successful or not. For me, it's clearly not. It's the worst but also the best event I ever become staff of. I consider it the worst event Tesas ever held. We lack it all : human resources, time, money, tools, experience. It's a very stressful environment with people who scarified not only their energy, time, mind, body, soul, but also money, and emotion. It's a huge sacrifice. Among theater member who is very expressive and emotional, it's chaos.

Some of the members said that they could stay insane because I am the leader, that my lack-of-expression face tell them that we must stay calm, like the leader. If there are anything good with my leadership in this event, it's this. It really feels like a challenge to me, to apply what I have learned in the Summer school. The main one is, I could be close to any people if I want to. Nothing is any deciding factor, not even time, not personality. It's effort to understand and stick with each other.

Through the stress, chaos and messy mistakes, we learn. We grow. Closer. I see them cry, I see them laugh. I see them in their utmost stressed state. I see the emotional abrupt ion and I see the emotion hold on inside.

And I start to open up 

The stress and burden between two events left me with no time to rebound, and I have no free time, too, while still have to maintain my college classes. And a part time job as a teacher... So I have no energy left to keep myself in check and hold my emotion. 

Me, as the leader, forced to "entertain" the member by doing... cosplay

 I laugh. I let my emotion in the opened. I tell them what's in my mind and what's bugging me. I share it with them. It's the first time I have go head-on with the person causing me problem, people I barely knew. To try and stand for myself. Before, I'd never try to speak my wants and intention. And they started to see the me hidden inside the poker facade. Not that I tried to put up the facade, it's just that I have difficulties expressing anything. I learn to know people, to befriend them, to go out of my comfort zone in social setting.

People start to recognize and appreciate my change. I got called from people I forget where I know, and I could only nod. Sometimes

And then, I fall in love.

Just that. Nothing big happened. I never fall in love before, and I don't know it when I fall. In the scene of cramped up people who only focus on their work with each other, it's not uncommon, but I never have it. I just happened. No sparkles. No fire. No heart-thumping scene. But I utterly desperately in love.

And without I know it, I am changing further.

A project film in class in which I am the director

I am spending more time with people. I tolerate their antics and foolishness. I learn to appreciate the time wasted with friends, even if it's not productive. I learn tolerance. I tried to now looked down on weakness and differences. I appreciate more what beautiful thing a smile and laughter is, because my spirit is clearly lifted for a particular smile. I act awkwardly and experience how to not be able to say things straightforward and frank. I learn how it is to get tangled in a romantic love. I learn how hard it is and starting to have tolerance to the problems caused by love. (Before, I think it's foolish to).


The relationship didn't go anywhere. But it give me more things to learn. I learn how to deal with a broken heart the good way (I presume, because we are still friend. And quite close). And.. I know how beautiful a feeling we will get when we fall. Hard. 

I am thankful how the relationship didn't just break and drift apart. I'd hate to fall in love after that. I always think it's foolish to break a perfectly fine friendship to a messy romantic relationship. 

And... with all that lessons, perhaps, I am trusted to be the President of the group!
...Which I refuse to, but I will be the Vice President. Okay nice. 

With the broken heart and spirit to start anew, I do my internship in Philippines. 

Why Philippines? Because this girls I met in Korea fill me out about their country!

It was like a quiz about how well  I could apply the lessons I learned in real life. This is the first time I am alone in the whole world in another country with no one to supervise or accompany me. I have to face new people without introduction. I have to stand and see if I could fit on my own. And to see if I could preserve relationships, hehe.

The send-away party of my internship. Did I success?

Well... the experience there is interesting in a different way with Korea. In Korea, I was brought to a dream world. This time, I have to search and make the dream world on my own. And I am ready to try. As the event with me losing my way as the start, it's a good one. I experience creeps and people trying to ask me out, too. 

The good-bye party with my roommies. We could get crazy together just being roomies for 2 months!

I got close with my roommates, all nice Filipino girls with their own stories to tell. People with different background could get along just fine. We are all searching for happiness, after all. Now, one is in Singapore and one is in Spain. I have another friends who are ready to help me travel no? HAHA.

When I got back, I am in a new situation : I am now have huge responsibilities within the theater group, and I have to teach my juniors, which show how cute it is people who you have to protect. I have never had junior-senior relationship before, well.... what do you expect from a lone wolf like me. I always thought it troublesome. But no. It's quite challenging, but very heartwarming. They still said they miss me until now. The people you help and reach out to when they have nothing to give you back always remember you the hardest, no?

And then I got the religious group left with only young members, as well. And that my major absolutely need me to one role of our major yearly event. Yeah. I notice how easy the people in my major approach and want help or what from me. They see me as the ready-to-join girl because I know nearly all the key player in my major, which is the ones who join the theater competition. Nice.

 I am seen, generally, as a very dependable girl who are ready to help, as long as you ask, because she is shy. I don't play around and with people a lot, but I could get into any group because they see my works in the groups I am in. It helps a lot, because I do need people to approach me, I am not that conscious of my surrounding still. AND because of that, I am chosen as one of my major top students. I am proud of  myself, really. I still didn't do what most people said I need to do in order to success, but I am fine to this point. I tried to close a gap in my skill set, that is my social skill, and I seem to do a good job.

I quit my part-time job as a teacher because I have no more time to spare... And focus more on my final graduation paper and back to my courses, because my GPA is falling. The more I focus on 'real life', the more I am slipping in grades. I am naturally not one to focus on real life, so...

Cha-no-yu class, the activities I use my spare time to attend in between grad paper. It keeps my sanity.

I tried to compensate with trying things I want to do from a long time ago, and also to broaden my social life and keep my mind sane. It's cha no yu, the Japanese Tea Ceremony class, and I could befriend this group of people, too. With my bestfriend from junior high because no matter how wide my social circle will be, I will always fall back and count on them.

I am forced more and more to work with people. I am not able to say "No" yet. So more and more works are handed to me. And I apply, apply, apply.

And near my graduation, I seem to have form a skill to befriend people without lengthy process, something I'd never imagine I would be able to, and something I once think are shallow. People who are meant to be friend will be friend, so why prolong the process? 

I approach, too, the people in my major that I have kind of 'neglect' all my campus life, and ... well, I am able to find welcome from them (again), despite my unableness to show up in anything. I learn, then, that after all people will have to accept your shit, too, not only you tolerating them. And it's still okay to attempt making relationship, despite all.

That's pretty much all I could remember about how I grow, socially, and as a person, in college. It is one of my target when I enter uni (to refine my social life), and that's all my effort up until my graduation. Not perfect, not quite what I first imagine, but for me, and this objection of mine..

When I graduate, I could say...

The aftermath of my thesis defense

I passed with flying colors.

*END*

nb. sorry it's sooooo long!

Earlier in April,  I made some sort of bucket list about what I want to achieve on my 22nd age.
Here's the previous list....

1. Finish my graduation paper. Done
2. Get my bachelor degree. Of course, naturally. Still haven't got the certificate on my hands, though.
3. Get a scholarship to study masteral degree somewhere abroad. I don't know if this still could be done on my 22nd birthday. I have a one year long contract job right now.
4. Get a job. A good paying one as well
5. My first salary goes 100% to the church. Only 1 day to go... I won't give my overtime salary, though.
6. Buy an expensive but super comfortable shoes as soon as possible. Still not done. I have buy one new shoes though, so .. I am pending it
7. Buy my mom one of those shoes too. She does it before me, so it's her own money TwT)
8. Change my phone to a really effective one. From a relative. It's a gift from GOd XD
9. Get a new laptop. Still wavering about which one should I buy....
10. Explain to my mom about the lodging from the states, and my intention to apply it in my case, too, if I am lodging at home
11. Hope she doesn't accept my proposal Start paying monthly rent to my parents. Well, one month to go...
12. ASEAN trip Only Singapore and Malaysia and Philippines done. Still waiting for at least Thailand, then Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Myanmar and lastly Bruney...
13. Get my driving licence. Still haven't start my lessons yet, even.
14. Road trip Java - Lombok - Bali
15. Pay back the money I spent from my bank account to do travelling
16. Get a saving of - I don't know, hmm... Okay. Rp 10.000.000,00
17. Try to open a new bussiness
18. Finish the Bible
19. Finish all Agatha Christie detective novels. The Poirot's done, as well as the Marple's. Only 13 to go
20. JLPT N3... but I will only be able to reach N4, so, N4.
21. Make one scrapbook about Korean trip. Hm... we will see later
22. Get to my ideal weight (55kgs). RIght now still in 70kgs, but people already comment that I am thinning
23. Be able to jog for 1 hour. Ha... hahahaha. I have to hit the gym starting tomorrow...
24. Learn to juggle for 2 weeks. Hm. Hm. Will I? XD
25. Get my room neat for real. Now it's quite neat... thanks to my dear brother
26. Sort all my clothes. Progressing.....
27. Go to one volunteer act .
28. Learn Cha no Yu. Proud of this, only finished yesterday...
29. Make one dress
30. Finish Hasfit exercises
31. Master 10 new recipes. New? Hmmmmmm... well at least two, I already be able to make Mie Ayam and Bakso Solo and SMS. And those pancakes,
32. Make one chapter of manga
33. KOM 100
34. Get into one mission trip
35. Made one website about Indonesian food. A blog one.

And because a lot has been scratched, I want to made a new list to make it easier to read. Here it is :
And my situation has been settled, so I have to edit some of the goals as well.

1. Get a scholarship to study masteral degree somewhere abroad. I don't know if this still could be done on my 22nd birthday. I have a one year long contract job right now.
2. My first salary goes 100% to the church. One day to payday, and one week to the next Sunday...
3. Buy an expensive but super comfortable shoes as soon as possible. I am pending it a bit, I will search for a shoe pad instead.
4. Get a new laptop. Crome book toshiba?
5. Hope she doesn't accept my proposal Start paying monthly rent to my parents... One month until I am able to~
6. ASEAN trip Only Singapore and Malaysia and Philippines done. Thailand, Myanmar, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos to go...
7. Get my car driving license.
8. Road trip Java - Lombok - Bali. 
• Pay back the money I spent from my bank account to do travelling. It's so cheap I don't think I need to dig my bank account... so, out.
9. Get a saving of - I don't know, hmm... Okay. Rp 10.000.000,00. Actually, it's quite easy to get Rp 10.000.000,00 on my saving account, so it have to be accumulating and never get used at all.
10. Try to open a new bussiness. I have two proposal ready....
11. Finish the Bible . RIght now I am in... Joshua, hehe
12. Finish all Agatha Christie detective novels. 13 to go!
13. JLPT N4. N5 done, and N4 test in December
14. Make one scrapbook about Korean trip
15. Get to my ideal weight (55kgs)
16. Be able to jog for 1 hour
17. Learn to juggle for 2 weeks
18. Get my room neat for real
19. Sort all my clothes
20. Go to one volunteer act
21. Make one dress
22. Finish Hasfit exercises
23. Master 10 new recipes. 7 more
24. Make one chapter of manga
25. Get into one mission trip

From 35 ro 25, quite an achievement right? *the one I scratch are only the matter-of-time ones LOL. will be back with an update on this!
26. Done the journal in medical library.
27. Won one writing competition
28. Finnish the writing course

The end of Cha no Yu courses

The 7th generation of (basic) Cha no Yu course students held by Japan Foundation Jakarta finished their lessons and get their certificate today.
And I am one of them!
Yey!

Or should I say... "Oh no!"?
I don't quite know which one I should choose right now. I am quite pleased of course, and proud of myself that I could stick with (and finished the lessons and quite smoothly passed the test and become adequate at) the meticulous, full-of-manners-and-rules Japanese tea ceremony for 4 months. I get the certificate, which means I don't skip more than 3 out of 16 lessons. True, I have waited for the chance to join the lessons since years ago, and I join it out of my own interest (and the alluring deliciousness of Matcha green tea used in every lessons), but what's with the struggle to commute to Japan Foundation in Sudirman on rush hour from either Tangerang or Depok, with air-tight-packed public transportation, and that a ritual so elegant, full of manners, executed softly and politely have never been my strong point, it's an achievement for me!

But on the other hand, I am sad because I will leave (because I can't attend the next-level courses because of my newly founded job) a course I love, a skill I become proud to master, a weekly event that help me unwind and forget the usual routines and places, cute Japanese teachers with their cute ways of doing things, and lastly and perhaps the most important, a community I grow to love.

Friends I found and lessons I learned there may not be much for "the future", no connection or added value whatsoever for the line of job I am doing, but it's precious because it's something founded not out of necessity, but by common interest. Which is rare since we graduate college, especially counting the fact that I am not social people. I might never crossed path with them if not for this lessons, because of the oh so different backgrounds, and I thanks God for letting me meet and know them, even if only for a short period of time. But like some people like to say, "It's the quality, not quantity".

Our legs hurts because of seiza (Japanese formal sitting position), and we lose precious time fighting the traffic of Sudirman, but everyone have worked hard to stay curious and opening new worlds one step at a time, and with that, get the

Minna-san, otsukaresamadeshita!
Sensei, arigatō gozaimashita!
Goodbye, until we meet again!

posted from Bloggeroid

Strategy

Strategy are always linked with chess. If someone is good at making strategy, they are often called the Chessmaster. Chess is definitely played with strategy, and those who are good at chess should be good at making strategies.

But really, chess have too much rules to abide to reflect real life situations. People who tried to treat real life with chess approach will fall short with real strategician. Chess must save all it's highest pawn to be won, while the highest are the slowest, hardest to play pawn. In real life, I think, the winner is the one which ended having more. Sacrifying one important factor is okay to save lots. It could be replaced, changed, etc. to make winning possible. Shouldn't it be the role of the highest?

posted from Bloggeroid

About dream and premonition

I haven't been able to do anything at all haha. Been busy with my parents' restaurant. Well, what to say, it is really busy and we need the money. I sure hope I will get paid, though. I am sort of money. Now, what did I want to say? Ah, yeah ... Hmm...
What was it again?

Oh yeah! Dream. My dream. I was dreaming about DBSK again. I miss them so much this days. This time, I dream about Yunjae. Yunjae acting sooo adorkable on a television, and me and my friend are watching it and screaming until our throat dry.

You know what, the very next day ... A 'scoop' about YunJae happened! Scary, right? Haha. I am always spot on about them, it bring tears to my eyes.

And then when I opened my smart phone, the Bible application was open, the verse about God will let us know the big and unknown phenomena if we ask Him.. LOL it's such a coincidence. Or not? Haha. What ever, it succeed to bring me closing my distance with God once more. I am starting to neglect my morning reflection and Bible reading. I need to start over again, right?

Weird

'I am a weird girl'

That's what I think when I just finnish my evening jogging around university

And before I start this post, I forget why I think I am weird XD

Now I remember

You know, I love making plans
And lists and goals
Somekind of bucket list
The kind of plan and things people who are sincerely wish to be successfull to have

Thing is, I dont really want to be successful - the average one defined by society, I mean. I am a lazy ass

Or maybe when I made those plans, I am in the "Great leader mind" moods

Anyway, I never mean the goals and lists and plans to be the measure of success or a step to the next one. I didn't really carefully think over it, and I don't scheme - just list anything that I am thinking off at the time. I have no specific direction, and most importantly, no specific force or mean to really make it true. I didn't stress about that. I would try my best to make it come true if the flow of life open the door for me. And all this time, they still opened it

Not that I like abandoning my goals. I love them, crazy about them, and want them all to be true. I am a greedy person. But again, I didn't care that much if something is failing or what

I love those list to keep me in check. Just for the passing of the time. Maybe because I still haven't find my true goal/calling. I still haven't found something I'd die fighting for. Not that it is uncommon, I find most people is like this. The difference is, they didn't fill their time while waiting to find it. And in the mean time, I would do all my plans just for the sake of it. To move forward when I am stalling. To make sure I am still in front of everyone in some sense. Even if I didn't feel like doing it anymore or it's already too far away from my current direction, I will still stubornly do it. It just a matter of ticking or striking it when it's done. I don't know. I want to feel all experience I can feel, all experiences I ever want to do. Maybe I am bored. It's easy. But in my boredom, I do things. I want to move automatically, so even when my mind and heart is not there, I am not behind. While actually there are no pressure, no need, or no point for me to go forward because no one cares and I didn't mind a mediocre life. But I work harder than anyone because the list kind of haunting me. Because I have the itch to tick every single one. Because I want to know more, read more, listen more, enjoy things more, be more in peace, etc.

Then I read Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood and found similarities with Nagasawa. Haha. I don't know, I don't like his ways and I never saw my way explained so clearly in text, but I don't hate it. Getting ahead of everyone just because you can, just for the sake of it.

Because when you have something more, didn't it means you have to explore it? Hell, even if you don't have more, didn't you better put what you have in good use? Being miserable or bored or unhappy is the same in any class/level/position, but I guess it's still better to be like that in a better condition than the rest of people

posted from Bloggeroid

Thought from a fourteen years old

Yeah, it's that Julian. Julian from the Famous Five, the very polite, well mannered and mature leader of the Five
It's a part of Famous Five Novel "Five Go Off to Camp" - I read it from e-book form so I just screen capture it from my phone - highlighting Julian's thought. Really, really, Julian? Yes I know, Julian is mature for a 14 years old, but that was just too much XD

Did I have that kind of thoughts when I was 14 years old? Truthfully, maybe yes. So it is not surprising.

And since Enid Blyton seems to never add any more year after the first 8 novel, maybe Julian is older when he has that thought.
That also a prove that no matter when and where, the issues of marriage is quite similar. Money is always a problem, even for 1940-Britain.

And, well, actually, that woman always attracted to bad boys, hehe

posted from Bloggeroid

Bucket List

I have always keep a kind of bucket list all my life - at least starting in junior high school. But it was never concrete, I have never feel the urge to complete it, and it is all my goals, nothing like "put it in the list just because"
Well, so... I am up all night just searching what a 22-years-old should do. It's an age of transition from student to worker in my mind, while not mature enough. And seeing all the advice, I thoughy I will write a bucket list of things I would complete in my 22. Not that I am 22 years old now, it's still a couple of weeks from now, but ... It is late to make a bucket list to complete in my 21, no? ... Or not?

Anyway, here it is, things I really should start doing in my 22 :

1. Finish my graduation paper
2. Get my bachelor degree
3. Get a scholarship to study masteral degree somewhere abroad
4. Get a job
5. My first salary goes 100% to the church
6. Buy an expensive but super comfortable shoes as soon as possible
7. Buy my mom one of those shoes too
8. Change my phone to a really effective one
9. Get a new laptop
10. Explain to my mom about the lodging from the states, and my intention to apply it in my case, too, if I am lodging at home
11. Hope she doesn't accept my proposal Start paying monthly rent to my parents
12. ASEAN trip Only Singapore and Malaysia and Philippines done.
13. Get my driving licence
14. Road trip Java - Lombok - Bali
15. Pay back the money I spent from my bank account to do travelling
16. Get a saving of - I don't know, hmm... Okay. Rp 10.000.000,00
17. Try to open a new bussiness
18. Finish the Bible
19. Finish all Agatha Christie detective novels
20. JLPT N4
21. Make one scrapbook about Korean trip
22. Get to my ideal weight (55kgs)
23. Be able to jog for 1 hour
24. Learn to juggle for 2 weeks
25. Get my room neat for real
26. Sort all my clothes
27. Go to one volunteer act
28. Learn Cha no Yu
29. Make one dress
30. Finish Hasfit exercises
31. Master 10 new recipes
32. Make one chapter of manga
33. KOM 100
34. Get into one mission trip
35. Made one website about Indonesian food

posted from Bloggeroid

Cannot sleep

I am afraid. Very much afraid. And scared. Now I think about it, I actually didn't know the difference between afraid and scared LOL

But scare have the form scary while afraid don't have 'afraidy'

Now I think I understand

I am troubled, anxious, scared, afraid, worried, etc
My stomach is uneasy and I am uh, dunno, restless
And why should it comes now of any other time? I want to sleep. I need to sleep

Some junior of mine said that ahe need to confide something to me but didn't

Well
Goodnight, sleepiness come over me now, thanks goodness

posted from Bloggeroid

So it was difficult...

Wow, it is sooo dificult to write something on a daily basis. I mean, maybe I could produce some idea, but to develop them nicely into some good passages is so time consuming I am wondering how some people could manage that and make it their sources of bread and wine (Why wine I wonder?? It's expensive!!)

I will try to keep up and report here and there LOL but maybe it will be just inconsistent rumbling.

Today I watched Shingeki no Kyojin and I have to admit that it is good and thought provoking. I think maybe I will write something on the anime account... Maybe there are no need, because, well, I am sure that many people have done it, but... Well. Yeah.

Ah ya, another matter! I finnished hasfit 2nd day beginner program. Yesterday my muscle is still sore after pushing my motorcycle alone in the darkness for I don't know how far (*cue dramatic BG*) and I resent my father a bit for letting his only DAUGHTER do that. But well... I think that is what make me strong ._.

I really hope my diet do something good, I really want to lose at least 2 kg and reach 70kg this month.

Thank you :3

Mingle With God

Oh Gosh, I hope I spelt 'mingle' correctly. Never thought it is wrong, but who knows?
Alas, what happend, happened already

I made this one blog to document my journey to be closer to God over the year. I am Christian, and I hope I have been a good Christian all along, but not very full of religious-spirit, I love Jesus and Christianity but thought little about church rules, altough I abide them.

Anyway, I really long to be closer to God, it seems nice - and my supervisor advise me to take notes of any of God's messages I received, and I think, might as well made some writings and share it

I hope in the end it will be clear that I am closer to God, and being a better person than I am now

First day

Hi, um... This blog, unlike many former mine before, will just made to report the progress I made daily in order to made my life better. It will contain my journey to lose weight

Here it is, first day
I am starting the 30 days begginner low impact workout program
Hasfit first day begginner program
I don't really feel like doing this because I am quite confident that I am in way better shape than what this exercise require. But alas, everyone has to start somewhere, and I think it is a good start now. I hope I won't get bored and stop, like many others and many former trial XD, I can't keep a commitment for even 20 days LOL
Good exercise, I don't feel any fatigue, but I haven't exercise for weeks so this is a good start
Actually, I think the dynamic strecthing is more exhausting than the main exercise :D
Well, that's that.

Closer to God Day one

Actually, I want to open one more blogs to blog about this, but well, closer to God is really just another mind- bugging things, so I should just do it here, don't you think so? Hahaha
So, I will just made a new tag closer to god

Well, I was told to document any messages from God I receive these days, so, I think, might as well blog about it. I nearly forgot I have this blog. Really. Like, for real.

Anyway, let's start

Actually, you could say it starts yesterday. It's form Job 1 : 22
In all these things Job sinned not by his lips, nor spoke he any foolish thing against God. 

The part that are given to me is " nor spoke any foolish thing"
Right, really, I have never consider myself near Job at all. He is so good and kind and righteous. And I absolutely didn't feel inclined to undergo the same things God allow Satan to gave him, provoked by Satan

But what made me feel like I am a very bad person is the fact that Job didn't say any foolish things...
He went under all kinds of torture and keep true, and never once saying any accussiations, blaming others, dirty words...
Me, I used to hate complaining and people who complaint. And I absolutelly hate swears. BUt  nowadays, all of that things escape my mouth so very easily. I am ashamed. I am stressed out, I know, but actually, who suffer more - me or Job? And he is still able to hold his mouth. Me, what am I doing?

I know, one of the source of my bad mouth is my commingling. Assocciation. But what's done is done, and I will try to talk more cautiously now :)