It's already the end of the year? Seriously? As of now, it is 23 :35 in my place.
A lot should be happening in 2014, but I think none of it really leave a deep impression. Because I only could remember 3 major event : Skripsi, Graduation, and get a job. None of it feels like live changing, too.
I... go through a lot that I get but doesn't deserve, both because I actually not qualified, and some because I over qualified. Here is some of the list :
1. I don't deserve to have a very understanding, caring, patience professor for my skripsi. I am not serious in doing it and nearly blow it all
2. I don't deserve to get A- in that. I hardly try to make it perfect. I only do that to move through. I am ashamed of that project and it will forever be done.
And I know, I could actually get an A, if only I do my best. I know it. But I am not doing my best at all. It near my worst
3. I don't deserve to graduate. I... Not that it's my fault or anything, but I knew for graduating I sacrificed something that some of my friends sacrificed graduation for. I am not ready for graduation. Please. Spare me.
4. I don't deserve to get that cum laude certificate. I am not doing my best to get it, compared to some people. Yes, it's my target, but halfway through, I am ready to throw it away and going back to my status as a lazy, useless maniac who no one will expect anything of. Not the go-getter girl I tried so hard to be.
5. I don't deserve the high regard some of my university friend seems to held of me. I kind of run away of them and the responsibility that come with organizations that feels more and more like a burden
6. I don't deserve the near-home, quite high-paying, related to my major in uni, comfortable job I get RIGHT after graduation. No, even before graduation. I didn't ask for it. Never picture it.
7. I don't deserve to get the nice, kind, supporting supervisor and co-workers that are giving me second chances every time I make a basic mess in my work
8. I don't deserve to get that high a pay, compared to the 10year-senior-but-lower-in-education coworker that get nearly half I get considering the mess I make around the rules.
There, all the things I don't deserve. I am very disappointed in this year, mainly to my own self. People from the outside will see it as a very successful year to me, perhaps. No, it's not. While situations and my past actions carry me on, I am doing very bad this year. It's not on negative notes, though, it's a reminder and on a thankful note that I still could done it this beautifully. Thanks, Lord. Now I am ready for 2015, and this time, I won't disappoint myself
A lot should be happening in 2014, but I think none of it really leave a deep impression. Because I only could remember 3 major event : Skripsi, Graduation, and get a job. None of it feels like live changing, too.
I... go through a lot that I get but doesn't deserve, both because I actually not qualified, and some because I over qualified. Here is some of the list :
1. I don't deserve to have a very understanding, caring, patience professor for my skripsi. I am not serious in doing it and nearly blow it all
2. I don't deserve to get A- in that. I hardly try to make it perfect. I only do that to move through. I am ashamed of that project and it will forever be done.
And I know, I could actually get an A, if only I do my best. I know it. But I am not doing my best at all. It near my worst
3. I don't deserve to graduate. I... Not that it's my fault or anything, but I knew for graduating I sacrificed something that some of my friends sacrificed graduation for. I am not ready for graduation. Please. Spare me.
4. I don't deserve to get that cum laude certificate. I am not doing my best to get it, compared to some people. Yes, it's my target, but halfway through, I am ready to throw it away and going back to my status as a lazy, useless maniac who no one will expect anything of. Not the go-getter girl I tried so hard to be.
5. I don't deserve the high regard some of my university friend seems to held of me. I kind of run away of them and the responsibility that come with organizations that feels more and more like a burden
6. I don't deserve the near-home, quite high-paying, related to my major in uni, comfortable job I get RIGHT after graduation. No, even before graduation. I didn't ask for it. Never picture it.
7. I don't deserve to get the nice, kind, supporting supervisor and co-workers that are giving me second chances every time I make a basic mess in my work
8. I don't deserve to get that high a pay, compared to the 10year-senior-but-lower-in-education coworker that get nearly half I get considering the mess I make around the rules.
There, all the things I don't deserve. I am very disappointed in this year, mainly to my own self. People from the outside will see it as a very successful year to me, perhaps. No, it's not. While situations and my past actions carry me on, I am doing very bad this year. It's not on negative notes, though, it's a reminder and on a thankful note that I still could done it this beautifully. Thanks, Lord. Now I am ready for 2015, and this time, I won't disappoint myself
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